


Stay near, stay here

by subak_jumokbap



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Crushes, Fluff, Friendship, M/M, hand-holding, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2018-12-08
Packaged: 2019-09-14 05:26:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16906968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/subak_jumokbap/pseuds/subak_jumokbap
Summary: Amid practices and busy schedules, Mark’s and Renjun’s friendship blossom into something more but they don’t get to talk about it till much later.





	Stay near, stay here

**Author's Note:**

> This doesn't strictly follow the timeline of their schedules and is based very very loosely around it, so don't be too uptight about it! ><
> 
> This fic was self-indulgent and idk how it happened but it did. So here's to the markrenctzens out there. (If there are any. Make some noise so I know you guys exist ;;;;;)

Renjun bends down, his hands on his knees as he tries to calm his heavy breathing. His hair sticks to his forehead, just like his shirt to his back and his feet are absolutely sore. They’ve been at it for hours now and Renjun knows the others are slowly getting tired as well. He lifts his head and looks into the mirror. In the reflection, Donghyuck and Jaemin are splayed on the floor, limbs spread out yet somehow tangled together. Chenle, Jeno and Jisung are sitting down in a circle, passing a bottle of water around, the contents of it decreasing fast as it moves from one hand to another. Mark is still practicing in front of the mirror, counting the beat under his breath as he stares critically at his own movements, ensuring that they’re sharp and precise, and not lazy or half-hearted. He sees Mark frowning and repeating the movements over and over again. He looks on worriedly, knowing how Mark gets when comebacks are near. Mark’s always been the type to strive for perfection and he doesn’t let himself rest till he achieves it.

“Guys, it’s been almost ten minutes. Time to get back to practice,” Mark announces loudly, clapping his hands to get their attention.

Donghyuck whines and sits up with a flop. “We’ve been at it since 8 a.m. hyung. It’s been four hours. A few more minutes of break won’t hurt.”

Mark walks towards the laptop at the back of the room to turn the music back on. “If you think you’re good enough Hyuck then feel free to leave. I’m taking this comeback seriously even if you’re not going to.”

The way his tone comes out cold and harsh catches all of them off guard and the atmosphere in the room takes a sudden turn. The sharpness of his voice stirs an alertness within them and tension starts seeping in. Mark rarely snaps at them, even joining in on their jokes sometimes so Renjun can’t help but feel uneasy at Mark’s sudden outburst. And he senses that the others feel the same way too.

“That’s not what I meant,” Donghyuck mumbles quietly, obviously hurt from Mark’s words. He gets up and offers a hand to Jaemin. Both of them exchange wary looks before going to their respective positions. Jeno helps Chenle up and whispers some words to him before patting his back and motioning him to move to his place. Jisung hurries to his spot too but Renjun catches him massaging his ankles briefly and it dawns on him that Jisung’s been doing that a lot lately. 

Renjun knows comebacks always put Mark on edge, especially when he still has NCT 127 schedules to attend to, on top of recording songs and writing lyrics. Renjun knows Mark feels responsible for leading them as the eldest but he also knows that Mark is more reasonable than this, so he doesn’t understand why Mark is acting differently this time round.

“Mark, the kids are tired. Just ten more minutes, then we can start again.” Renjun tries to reason as Mark returns to his spot at the front, the music starting promptly from the speakers.

“If you don’t want to practice then just leave Renjun,” Mark states flatly, not even glancing his way. If Mark had meant to hurt him then it had worked because it hits Renjun hard. Mark’s never spoken to him like that before.

“Starting from the chorus!” Mark shouts. “No mistakes!”

No one dares to say anything. Their limbs move automatically to the music and they try to keep their expressions under control, masking away the pain and fatigue. The music seems to repeat endlessly but it breaks somewhere along the second verse when Chenle accidentally bumps into Jisung, causing Jisung to fall inevitably as a result. It seems like a typical stumble at first but Renjun sees the way Jisung clutches onto his ankle and the grimace on Jisung’s face confirms his suspicions.

Mark sighs, unaware of the situation, and goes to the back to restart the music again. “Get back into position, we have to perfect this verse.”

Mark turns back when the music starts playing again from the top. He sees Jisung still sitting on the floor, body bent over his right leg. “Jisung come on, stop wasting time!” 

Jisung tries to stand back up but his legs give way and he falls almost immediately, causing Chenle to scream in shock. Renjun’s heart lurches as Jisung hits the floor and he rushes over in an instant. 

“Stop the music!”

Jaemin realises the severity of the situation and is by Jisung’s side within a second. Donghyuck and Jeno approach out of worry but they don’t come too close, afraid of crowding Jisung and making him feel suffocated.

“Jisung are you okay?” Jaemin looks at him concernedly. Jisung shakes his head and reaches for Chenle’s hand, which Chenle offers immediately, and he pulls himself up. “I’m fine, I just slipped.” 

Mark approaches him with a frown and puts a hand on his shoulder. “Are you hurt anywhere?”

Jisung clamps his lips together and shakes his head determinedly. “I’m fine hyung, really.”

Renjun can tell that Jisung’s being wary around Mark, the way he flinches when Mark touches him and the way he retracts back into his own body. He’s acting that way because Mark’s been snappy and on edge the whole morning. Actually he’s been teetering on the edge for the past few days, weeks even, only for it to reach its peak today. Jisung probably didn’t want to add to the list of things on Mark’s already loaded plate by complaining about a little bit of pain he thought he could handle.

Renjun however thinks it’s foolish of Jisung to neglect his health when it should be his top priority, not only for him but for the whole team. Anger and disappointment bubbles within him. He’s angry at Jisung for hiding his pain from them but mostly he’s angry and upset at himself for not noticing much earlier. That and the way Mark’s been making them practice non-stop must have only made the pain worse. His eyebrows knit together and he looks at Jisung with a hardening gaze.

“Since when?” Renjun demands quietly.

Jisung freezes and he stammers when he answers. “I-I told you hyung, it’s nothing-“

“Since when Jisung! God! Why didn’t you tell us you were hurting?” Renjun lashes out.  Jisung winces.

“Jisung, is this true?” Mark asks him, taking a hint from Renjun’s distressed manner. Jisung’s face crumbles and he looks between the members. Renjun sighs tiredly and runs his fingers through his hair in frustration. “Jeno, call manager hyung and tell him what happened.” He loops Jisung’s arm over his shoulder and Jaemin imitates him with Jisung’s other arm. They support Jisung to the couch located at the back of the practice room. They put Jisung down gently and Renjun turns to Jaemin. “Make sure he’s okay?”

Jaemin nods. Chenle’s lower lip trembles and he glues himself to Jisung’s side, repetitively asking Jisung if he needs anything. Donghyuck goes over to Jeno, who’s on the phone, to check with him if everything is alright. Renjun makes his way over to Mark, who’s frozen to the ground, taken aback by the whole unexpected situation. He pulls Mark away from the rest and once the members are out of earshot, he says, “We need to talk.”

Renjun walks out of the practice room and he doesn’t turn around to check if Mark’s following him. He hears Mark’s footsteps close behind and he leads them to the rooftop. He opens the access door to the roof and is immediately greeted by the afternoon breeze, his hair blowing slightly as he steps out from the staircase. He moves to the bench placed against the wall of the staircase door and sits. Mark takes a seat beside him.

The wind rustles their hair and Renjun lets a beat or two pass for them to settle their minds and emotions. He squints to keep dust from the wind out of his eyes when he finally looks at Mark, taking in his weary appearance. He approaches the topic carefully. “Do you want to tell me something?”

Mark sighs tiredly and hangs his head down. “I don’t know.”

Renjun leans back against the bench, Mark’s slumped back in his view. “Maybe you can start by telling me why you’ve been so annoying lately.” There’s no bite in his words, his tone half-joking and half-serious to keep the atmosphere from becoming too heavy. 

Mark laughs dryly. “I have, haven’t I?” He stretches his face with his hands. “I don’t know. I just, I didn’t realise I was being so-“ he pauses, obviously frustrated with himself. “Was I being horrible to you guys this whole time?”

Renjun’s silence answers his question. 

Mark groans. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’ve been so dumb to prioritize practice over everything else. I’ve never done that, and I shouldn’t have. I’m so stupid.”

His hands are clenched into fists and it’s evident that he’s extremely upset at himself and probably thinks that he’s not caring enough. Renjun wishes he would just stop being so hard on himself, even if he did make a mistake. Sometimes the hardest apology to receive is from one’s own self, and that’s how it often is with Mark. 

“Hyung, you know you can tell me anything right?” Renjun tells him calmly. “You’ve been strung tight lately. I’ve never seen you this pressed before, not even back when you had that ridiculous amount of schedules going on.” 

“There’s nothing _wrong_.” Mark emphasizes. “It’s- I just. I’m scared that something _will_ go wrong. I want us to give our best to the fans. It’s my last comeback with you guys and... I don’t want to regret not working hard enough.”

Everything suddenly clicks into place and it becomes clear why Mark’s been acting differently lately. The fact that he’s graduating and it might just be the last comeback he’s having with them must have put a lot of pressure on him. Renjun knows the comeback means a lot to him but it means just as much to them as it does for him. Mark shouldn’t have to bear his worries alone when they’re doing it together. His heart sinks at the thought of Mark bearing all the worries and responsibilities on his own. 

“I get where you’re coming from but you’re so focused on doing well you don’t see what’s in front of you.” Renjun looks at him earnestly and he reaches out to place his hand on top of Mark’s to let him know that he understands. “And that’s unlike you. You always notice the small things about us. You’re the first to notice Jisung’s new cap or that Jeno’s trimmed his hair or that Chenle’s getting hangry.” 

Mark’s expression gives way for a small smile. It’s a much better look on his face. 

“But this time you didn’t even notice how tired the boys are getting. Jisung’s been touching his ankle a lot the past few days and I’m not around Donghyuck as often as you are but it seems like he hasn’t been sleeping much judging from the bags under his eyes.” Renjun eyes Mark carefully. “Jeno’s sore from his acrobatics practice too - he has patches on his shoulders. I’m not saying that’s it’s your job to notice all these but maybe if you weren’t so caught up in your head, you’d see it. You’d see that we’re working hard too so there’s no need to push us.”

Mark looks at Renjun with belated realisation and his expression turns into that of guilt. He breathes out steadily. “I guess I’ve just been so used to leading you guys I didn’t realise you guys can do well on your own. In fact, you’re all doing amazing _._ ” Mark says genuinely. He looks down at his shoes and kicks the floor absentmindedly, causing dust to fly around. “When did you all grow up?” His voice comes out soft and almost like a thought to himself.

Renjun laughs. “We grew up right along with you, you dummy.” He kicks Mark’s shoe to make Mark look up at him. “I know you’re worried about the comeback, but we’re worried too. Don’t forget that we’re in this with you. You can share your load with us. If not then, at least share it with me. I tell you this all the time, I’m-”

“-Always here to listen.” Mark says it together with him. Mark grins to himself and turns his hand around such that their hands are palm-to-palm and he squeezes Renjun’s hand gently. “I know.”

“Well then remember it always,“ Renjun says softly. 

Mark nods and shuts his eyes, letting Renjun’s words soak through fully as he arranges his thoughts. He opens his eyes again and looks at Renjun resolutely. “Tell me if I ever act out of line again. Gosh Jisung’s in pain because of me isn’t he? I’m so stupid how could I-“

“If you really want to go there, then all of us are at fault.” Renjun states pointedly. “I just want you to know that how you act and what you say affects them more than you think. They’re giving their all too so it’s not fair to tell them they’re not working hard enough.”

“I know, I just- I know they’re capable of so much and I want them to fulfil it. I guess I was blindsided by my own goals I couldn’t see that you guys are already doing so well.”

“Well then I’m glad you’ve realised.” Renjun hums. A sudden gust of wind blows from Renjun’s side, tousling his hair messily.

Mark reaches out to comb it neatly, tucking stray strands behind Renjun’s ears so that they stay out of his face. “Thanks. You’re always having my back." 

“It’s nothing.” Renjun shrugs, suppressing back a wide smile. “Let’s get back. They’re probably getting worried, what with Jisung probably on the way to the hospital and us at the rooftop. They probably think we’re fighting.”

He moves to stand and unconsciously pulls his hand away but Mark grips it to his surprise and intertwines their fingers together instead. Renjun looks at him in confusion. 

“Let’s go,” Mark simply says, a not-so secret smile playing on his lips and he pulls Renjun along with him. Renjun follows wordlessly and he notes that Mark doesn’t let go till they reach the practice room.

The remaining four members are squeezed onto the couch. Donghyuck eyes Mark hesitantly when he sees them enter, unsure if Mark is still being sensitive so he directs his words at Renjun instead. “Manager hyung brought Jisung to the hospital. He says Mark hyung’s in charge till he comes back.”

Their eyes convey exhaustion and worry and it’s a total contrast from how they usually are. Renjun’s sure Mark can clearly see the state they are in because Mark has a soft look in his eyes as he looks them over. And Renjun knows right then that they’re going to be alright after all. 

“Guys I have something to say and I’ll just say it straight,” Mark says out with a heavy exhale, his voice cutting through the tension. Renjun stands at the side and crosses his arms as he watches the situation unfold.

“I’ve been a really big jerk and I should have treated you guys better. I know that now, and I’m so sorry.” Mark bites his lips nervously and his eyes are big and round and it’s the exact expression they like to tease him about, calling him the youngest of the group because of just how innocent and child-like he looks. Renjun tries to hide a smile, knowing that they can’t resist Mark when he looks like that. 

Donghyuck huffs indignantly from where he’s huddled beside Jaemin on the couch. “That’s right you jerk! You big-headed stupid hardworking dumb jerk! How dare you try kick me out of practice?”

Chenle lets out a soft giggle. “You really hurt him, hyung. He wouldn’t stop complaining from just now.”

Mark laughs and gives Donghyuck an apologetic smile. “Alright, alright. I’m sorry ok Hyuck? I didn’t mean it.”

“Whatever,” Donghyuck says sulkily.

“It’s fine hyung, we all understand,” Jeno reassures him. “We know you don’t want to disappoint the fans. We feel the same way.”

“I just wanted this to be memorable for us too.” Mark says. “But that doesn’t excuse how I treated you guys. I’ll do better from now on.” 

“You’re already doing great hyung, Learn to relax once in a while,” Chenle states innocently.

“Wow Chenle, look at you advising the eldest of the group,” Jaemin teases.

Chenle hits Jaemin playfully and rests his head on Jaemin’s shoulder. He plays with Jaemin’s long-sleeves that extend past his wrists. There seems to be something on his mind and he looks up at Renjun hesitantly. “Hyung… Do you think Jisung will be okay?”

Renjun’s heart drops at how concerned and unsure Chenle sounds. He honestly doesn’t know how bad Jisung’s condition is but he tries to give him a comforting smile. He moves closer to Chenle and pats his head softly. “Jisung’s a tough one, he’ll be okay.”

Chenle nods and Jaemin side-hugs him to cheer him up. Jaemin glances at Mark and asks, “What should we do now? Practice?”

Mark shakes his head. “Let’s call it day. We’ll grab some food and head back to your dorm to wait for Jisung to come back.” 

“That’s the nicest thing you’ve said all week,” Donghyuck says with an air of drama and wipes a non-existing tear. 

Mark rolls his eyes. “Unless you want to practice more. You complained about me kicking you out, you’re welcomed to stay longer.” 

“So mean,” Donghyuck says bitterly. 

Renjun laughs. “Come on guys, last one to pack up treats all of us lunch!” He rushes to grab his bag as soon as he said it. 

They immediately scramble to their feet and hurriedly gather their things. Jaemin purposely blocks Donghyuck from grabbing his bag, giving Chenle an advantage to which Donghyuck whines in protest. Renjun waits by the door of the practice room and watches them with amusement. He steals a glance at Mark to see how he’s holding up but he wasn’t expecting to see Mark already looking at him. Mark gives him a small smile when their eyes meet. Renjun doesn’t know why but the exchange feels intimate. He smiles back and he doesn’t know what to make of it.

 

—

 

The familiar sound of someone punching in the code distracts them from their heated discussion and the door opens promptly. Jisung appears in the doorway with crutches in each arm, his right ankle bandaged neatly. Chenle is already on his feet and rushing to Jisung’s side.

“Jisung you’re finally back! Does it still hurt? What did the doctor say?” Chenle shoots at him as his eyes take in the crutches and bandage. “Do you need help? Are you hungry? Do you-“

“Chenle calm down,” Jisung laughs. Renjun’s glad that he looks like he’s feeling better. “It’s nothing serious. Apparently I sprained it quite badly but the doctor says it’ll heal in a week or so.” 

“Okay then I’m making sure you get all the rest you need,” Jaemin says, suddenly appearing in front on them. He slings Jisung’s hand over his shoulder. “Here lean on me. I’ll help you back to your room. I don’t trust you and crutches. You’d probably break them or something.”

“Hyung!” Jisung whines. 

Jeno laughs as he approaches. “Jaemin’s right, the crutches might just break under your care. Here I’ll carry them for you.”

Jisung groans but he listens obediently and hops alongside Jaemin as Jaemin leads him to his room. As they enter the living room, Jisung sees Mark and Donghyuck on the couch and he stills for a second. He probably wasn’t expecting them to be there in NCT DREAM’s dorms.

“Jisungie!” Donghyuck exclaims. 

“JIsung, are you feeling better?” Renjun asks genuinely from the living room floor.

“Hi hyung,” Jisung says, smiling. “I’m feeling much better now, don’t worry.” He shoots them a thumbs up with his free hand. And then as if suddenly remembering Mark was there, he gives a stiff nod in Mark’s direction as a greeting. Mark opens his mouth to say something but Jaemin is already tugging Jisung along so he misses his chance. Donghyuck looks at Mark disapprovingly much to his offence and leaves to go trail after Jisung, cooing over him endlessly. _(“My poor poor baby look at him. How is he going to survive?”_ ). 

“Give him some space guys!” Renjun yells after them, shaking his head after. He looks up at Mark from his position on the floor beside the couch. “You _are_ going to talk to him right?”

Mark bends down to flick his forehead. “Of course, I wouldn’t be able to do anything else if I don’t.”

“Good. I’m going to go heat up the porridge Jaemin made for him. Talk to him after he eats,” Renjun stands and goes to the kitchen, leaving Mark alone to think about what he wants to say to Jisung.

Renjun chases them out of Jisung’s room when he enters with Jisung’s porridge. He leaves the tray with the bowl of porridge at the side table and sits down on Jisung’s bed. Jisung waits for Renjun to say something.

“How are you feeling, our poor little baby?”

“Hyung stop, not you too.” Jisung groans. Renjun laughs and pinches his cheeks. “I’m fine. I just have to make sure not to overexert myself and I’ll be able to practice again in no time.” 

“That’s good news. You really had all of us worried, you know? You shouldn’t hide things like this. It only hurts us more when we find out.”

“I know, I’m sorry hyung. I didn’t mean to make you angry,” Jisung says guiltily, his head hanging low.

“I’m sorry I was angry too. I shouldn’t have shouted at you. It’s just, you really scared me.”

“It’s okay. I was wrong too.” Jisung mumbles out.

Renjun ruffles his hair. “Jaemin made you porridge,” Renjun nods at the tray. “Eat it before it gets cold. And then I think Mark wants to talk to you.”

Jisung freezes. “Is he... is he angry too?" 

Renjun chuckles and ruffles his hair up even messier this time because of just how innocent and pure he is. “No he’s not. And, don’t be so cautious around him. He’s just been under a lot of pressure, you understand right?”

Jisung nods.

“Good. He’s still the same Mark. He’s still fun to tease, you’ll see,” Renjun winks at him and he leaves Jisung to eat peacefully. He reenters the living room and tells the rest not to disturb Jisung. He looks at Mark and he tilts his head slightly towards Jisung’s room, giving Mark the signal. Mark nods back in understanding and waits ten minutes before he knocks on Jisung’s door.

“Hey,” Mark greets softly as he closes the door behind him. Jisung looks up. “Hey hyung.” He takes one last spoonful and puts the empty bowl back on the tray where Renjun had left it.

“Just wanted to check up on you,” Mark says, sitting at the edge of Jisung’s bed. “Are you feeling better?”

Jisung nods. “Sorry I made you worry.”

“No, it’s ok. I’m sorry too. For being so hard on you guys the past few weeks. I didn’t mean to pressure you and make you feel like you couldn’t tell me about being injured.”

“No, I was being foolish.” Jisung looks down at his hands.

Mark reaches out and holds Jisung’s arm, nudging Jisung to look at him. “You were just being careful. But next time don’t keep anything from us okay? I’ll be really upset if you ever do it again.”

“I won’t,” Jisung assures. “Promise,” Jisung lifts up his pinky finger. Mark smiles at the gesture and completes the promise.

“Are we… okay now?” Jisung asks cautiously.

“Never better,” Mark laughs and pinches his cheeks. “I guess the one good thing about you being injured is that Chenle’s going to stick to you till you get better huh?” Mark gives him a knowing smile.

A shade of red colours Jisung’s cheeks. Mark seems to have hit the nail on the head.

“What are you talking about?” Jisung feigns ignorance and avoids Mark’s eyes.

“You like him, don’t you?” Mark says in a teasing tone, finding it cute how Jisung is so shy about it. 

“How did you even know hyung? I never told anyone that I like him!” Jisung’s voice drops to a whisper, afraid someone could hear them.

“Hmm I noticed it like last month or two maybe?” Mark shrugs. Jisung squawks in response. “Renjun did say I always notice the smallest things. Guess he was right.”

“You won’t tell anyone right? Especially not Chenle?” Jisung asks him worriedly. “Please tell me you won’t say.” 

“If you dont want me to,” Mark assures him.

Jisung gives a sigh of relief. “Good.” He figures since they’ve patched up now he can take a jab back at Mark. He squints at him. “Also, don’t think I didn’t notice you and Renjun hyung either.”

Mark looks at him weirdly, his eyebrows scrunching together. “Renjun?”

“Don’t play dumb hyung,” Jisung smirks.

Mark frowns. “Is this the generation gap talking? Cause I have no idea what you’re going on about." 

Jisung chuckles. “My cute hyung,” Jisung coos and pinches Mark’s cheeks. “Renjun’s right, you’re still fun to tease.”

Mark shakes his head and swats his hand away. “Brat.”

Jisung laughs brightly and it feels like everything is falling back into place.

 

—

 

More than a week has passed since then and their comeback date is getting increasingly near. They’re all in the practice room except for Mark and Donghyuck who they’re waiting for to arrive. 

Renjun warms-up in the meantime. He faces the mirror and stretches over his legs. When he lifts his head up, Jaemin’s bright pink of a hair catches his eye in the mirror. It’s the fifth time it’s happened in the past ten minutes but he still gets surprised whenever he sees it. All of them had dyed their hair a few days ago in preparation for the comeback and each of their hairs are of different colours, each standing out in their own way. Jaemin’s one might be the most eye-catching yet but the others aren’t that far behind. Chenle has a trendy green colour that actually looks really nice on him. Jisung’s is a nice shade of orange and Jeno’s rocking a pretty shade of brown. Renjun’s satisfied with his own hair colour too, a refreshing change from black to brownish-blond. He doesn’t know what crazy hair colours Mark and Donghyuck have since they dyed their hairs on a separate day but he doesn’t have to wait long till they arrive.

The doors of the practice room bursts open just then and Donghyuck enters noisily as he always does. “Woah look at you guys,” he says in amazement as he takes in the colourful show of hair. He drops his bag onto the floor. “Now it really feels like a comeback!”

His eyes land on Jaemin’s pink hair. “Na Jaem look. At. You!” He exclaims and chases after Jaemin into a backhug. Jaemin groans when he gets trapped in Donghyuck’s arms. He waddles them to the front of the mirror and he eyes Donghyuck’s hair. “Why is your hair surprisingly normal?”

It’s a nice shade of light brown. Donghyuck’s definitely had much crazier hair before.

“Normal for now that is. They say they’ll chalk up my hair with different pastel colours so mine will be this crazy rainbow look.” Donghyuck answers, resting his chin above Jaemin’s shoulder. “Besides, I think the most normal one is Mark’s.”

“Why? What did he dye it to?” Jeno questions curiously.

Before Donghyuck can answer, Mark enters promptly and Renjun sees what Donghyuck means by normal. Mark’s hair is a natural shade of black and it’s been cut short and neat, with a slight undercut. Renjun was expecting a funky colour of sorts so the black hair is an unexpected surprise. Renjun’s obviously seen Mark with black hair before but it must have been a long while ago because he hadn’t realise how good Mark looks with black hair. Suddenly Jaemin doesn’t catch his eye as much anymore. Suddenly normal black-haired Mark stands out to him more than the rest. Which is ironical and shouldn’t make any sense. 

“Wow hyung, you look cool!” Chenle comments as Mark makes his way to the couch and dumps his bag. He flops onto it and looks at Chenle with a somewhat shy smile, his hand consciously carding through his hair. “You think so?”

“Yeah, I’m not lying! You look really cool, right Jisung?” Chenle nudges Jisung. Jisung scrunches his face, obviously not wanting to tell Mark that he _does_ look cool. Chenle turns to Renjun, hoping someone would agree with him. “Renjun hyung, don’t you think so?”

Mark turns to Renjun and he immediately meets Renjun’s eyes because Renjun hasn’t looked away the moment Mark entered the room. Renjun doesn’t look away still, meeting Mark’s gaze steadily. Mark quietly waits for his answer. Renjun feels his throat getting dry and he swallows, channeling what he hopes is an unbothered expression. “I guess he doesn’t look so bad.”

Jeno barks out a laugh. “That’s just saying that you look pretty average hyung.” 

Mark doesn’t seem offended by it, even sending Renjun a genuine smile, his eyes twinkling.

“I think in Renjun speak, it actually _is_ supposed to be a compliment,” Mark teases, directing it at Renjun.

“You’re right, that’s probably one of the top compliments to come from him,” Donghyuck voices out. “He didn’t give an insult, how surprising.”

Renjun turns to glare threateningly at Donghyuck. “Do you have a problem?” 

Donghyuck cowers behind Jaemin. Renjun stands and stomps his way over to Donghyuck but he gets stop in his tracks by a grip around his wrist.

“Don’t take it so seriously,” Mark laughs. He tugs lightly on Renjun’s hand. “I started it and I’m sorry. Forgive me.” Mark swings his hand trying placate him and be forgiven, and honestly Renjun can’t say no when Mark’s being like that.

“Whatever.” Renjun mumbles, looking away from Mark. Donghyuck rejoices triumphantly in safety behind Jaemin.

Mark lets go and slides his hand up Renjun’s arm, giving him an encouraging pat. Renjun almost shivers at the touch, he thinks due to the air-conditioning maybe. Mark then gets up to move to where the laptop and start the music. “Alright time to get working. Let’s give our best for this comeback!”

 

They practice up till it’s time for lunch and Mark dismisses them after one last run through. Renjun moves to grab his water bottle from his bag, thirst overpowering any other need. Chenle and Jisung are already sprinting their way to the cafeteria with Donghyuck and Jeno right at their tail. Only Mark, Jaemin and himself are left. He takes huge gulps from his bottle and passes it to Jaemin who has his hands out waiting for it. Jaemin finishes off the remaining water and returns it to Renjun with a grin. “Thanks.”

Renjun hits his shoulder lightly with the bottle. “That’s what you get for protecting Donghyuck earlier.”

Jaemin pouts and rubs at the spot. “I’ll give you part of my lunch. Let’s go, you coming?”

Renjun glances over at Mark and spots him reviewing the video of their dance practice on the camcorder over at the couch. “You go ahead, I’ll catch up with you later.” 

Jaemin pats his shoulder. “Alright then I’m going first. I’m starving.” Jaemin leaves the practice room and Renjun stalls for a little while before he moves to occupy the space beside Mark.

“Lunch?” he asks, bumping his shoulder into Mark’s. Mark looks up at him from the camcorder and naturally moves to rest his head on Renjun’s shoulder.

“After this,” Mark answers distractedly, not shifting his eyes away from the small screen of the camcorder. Renjun waits quietly, watching Mark review the video till he’s done. Once Mark’s finished, he puts the camcorder aside and stretches his arms. He moves from Renjun’s shoulder to Renjun’s lap instead, making himself comfortable. Renjun looks on in amusement as Mark closes his eyes and yawns softly. The image of a sleepy cat pops into his head. He brings his hand to card through Mark’s hair soothingly, watching the black strands fall softly from his fingers.

“I meant to say your hair looks great earlier.” Renjun says quietly and he plays with the short hairs at Mark’s nape. “It really suits you.”

Renjun feels Mark shiver at the touch. His eyes open and he looks up at Renjun from Renjun’s lap. “You said I look pretty average.”

“You look pretty _on_ average.”

The tips of Mark’s ears turn red and he directs the attention away. “Trying to flatter your way out huh?”

“Damn, I got caught.” Renjun says his eyes sparkling with mischief. His fingers twirls Mark’s hair into small uncompleted curls, his hair too short for full nice ones. “But you do look really nice.” 

“Thanks. I thought you looked nice too when I first came in.” Mark mumbles his reply, his eyes closing again.

Renjun ignores the fluttering feeling in his stomach and tries not to make a big deal out of it. It’s just a compliment.

He massages Mark’s scalp gently and Mark makes undecipherable cute noises as he snuggles closer to Renjun.

“Sleepy?”

Mark hums. “Didn’t get much sleep.”

“You can sleep a while if you want." 

“But lunch,” Mark mumbles sleepily.

Renjun laughs. “I’ll wake you after fifteen?” 

“Kay.”

Twenty minutes pass and Renjun thinks he should probably wake Mark up by now or they’ll miss their lunch. He shakes Mark awake gently and Mark stirs, squinting an eye open. He pouts. “So fast?”

“Unless you want to miss out on lunch?” Renjun asks, his eyebrow raised. Mark’s face light up with realisation, belatedly registering the fact that their lunch time is being compromised the longer he stays.

“No way.” Mark stretches to shake the sleep off and rolls off Renjun’s lap and gets up onto his feet. He puts out his hand in front of Renjun but Renjun doesn’t process it in his head fast enough, simply looking at it in confusion. Mark gives him an exasperated look and reaches out to grab Renjun’s hand. “Come on,” Mark tugs him from the couch. “Lunch!” 

Renjun stumbles after Mark who’s dragging him out with a wide smile on his face. Renjun doesn’t know what’s got him smiling that way but it’s infectious because he finds himself grinning as well. He lets out a laugh for no particular reason other than the fact that his heart feels light and consumed with happiness. Mark looks back questioningly at him and ultimately ends up laughing as well. They probably look really stupid, hands clasped together and giggling like a bunch of fools, hurriedly making their way to the cafeteria. But it’s nice and it makes him feel happy so he doesn’t care. He tries to calm his accelerating heartbeat, reasoning with himself that it’s probably due to adrenaline, or something.

 

—

 

“Hyung what do we have tomorrow?” Jeno asks from all the way at the back. They’re on the way back from a music broadcast and are already at the end of their second week of promotions. Their manager looks into the rearview mirror to meet his eyes. “Tomorrow’s you free day,” he tells him with a smile, knowing how the reactions will turn out. And true to expectations, a mess of cheers and loud undecipherable noises ensue. Fortunately they’re at a red stop so the ruckus they’re making doesn’t stress the manager out.

“What about us?” Donghyuck pipes up from beside Jeno, asking about Mark and himself.

The light turns green and the car moves again. “You guys have a free day too. But after that all of you have a packed week again so don’t do anything to exhaust yourself.”

“Nice!” Donghyuck whoops. “Can I stay over at their dorms tonight?”

Jisung pokes his head from behind the manager causing him to tighten his grip at the steering wheel from surprise.  “Oh my god please hyung? Hyuckie hyung promised to game with me but he still hasn’t.” He puts on his most pitiful pout.

“And Jungwoo hyung just moved in a few days ago, we can have a mini welcoming party too!” Chenle suggests excitedly.

“Sure just don’t get too crazy,” the manager concedes. “I’ll drop Hyuck off at dream’s dorms then.” He peers at Mark from the rearview mirror. “Mark what about you?”

Mark doesn’t answer immediately, contemplating about it. It’s been a while since they’ve finally had some free time, even if it’s just one day, and he would love to spend it on his bed. But it’s been a while since he’s been over to their dorms too.

“Hyung come on it’ll be fun!” Jaemin convinces him. “It’ll be just like when we used to live together.”

Renjun looks over to his side where Mark is sitting and he sees Mark pondering it over. Mark turns to him subtly and asks in a voice loud enough for only him to hear.

“Do you want me to come over?”

His looks genuinely at Renjun. It feels intimate and it catches Renjun by surprise. Renjun doesn’t know why Mark is asking him of all people but the answer is a definite, absolute yes. Although, he realises there’s no real reason for it, he simply likes that they finally have some time to spend together that’s not for schedule. He pretends to dwell on his answer and he maintains his composure as he says, “We can finally watch that movie that you promised to watch.”

“Okay,” Mark smiles brightly, his eyes twinkling and it makes Renjun’s heart feel funny.

Mark turns to the direction of their manager and replies in a cheerful tone, “I’m staying over too hyung.”

The others rejoice and Renjun tries not to indulge himself into thinking that he was the reason for Mark wanting to come over. He tells himself to get it out of his head but he can’t help think that way when Mark is giving him his stupid cute smile. His resolve to remain cool about it breaks and he grins back at Mark. He knows it’s no big deal, it’s just a sleepover, but he finds himself looking forward to it anyway. 

Meanwhile, the situation in the car has reached peak rowdiness and the manager has to calm them down, ultimately threatening to send them back to the company for more practice if they don’t “ _sit still and stop screaming!”_

 

\--

 

Jungwoo rubs his eyes as he opens the front door.

“Hyung! Did you miss us?” Chenle immediately latches himself onto Jungwoo. Jungwoo stumbles and wraps his arms around Chenle. He laughs. “We live together now Chenle. I saw you ten hours ago.”

“But did you miss us?” Chenle repeats again firmly, waiting to hear the answer he wants.

Jungwoo entertains him and moves into the living room, consequently dragging a still clingy Chenle with him. ”Of course.”

The others file into the dorm one by one, greeting Jungwoo as they pass him by.

“Hyung did you just wake?” Jeno questions, taking in Jungwoo’s disheveled hair and puffy eyes. He plops onto the armchair beside the couch Jungwoo is sitting on with Chenle siddled up beside him.

“Yeah, had practice with the hyungs until about two hours ago.”

Mark and Donghyuck enter promptly bickering among themselves about who’s going to telling Taeyong that they’re sleeping over at dream’s dorms, none of them wanting to be on the receiving end of Taeyong’s nagging of what they should and shouldn’t do.

Jungwoo’s head snaps up at the sound of their voices as they appear within his view. “Am I still dreaming or is that Mark and Hyuck in our dorm?”

Jisung who enters last hops onto the couch and squeezes beside Chenle, clinging to a Chenle who’s clinging to a Jungwoo. “Yup, they’re here. They’re staying over tonight!”

“Hey hyung,” Donghyuck greets him when he spots Jungwoo over at the couch.

“How was practice?” Mark follows up from behind Donghyuck. 

“Tiring but fun.” Jungwoo raises his eyebrows at them. “I heard you guys are staying over tonight.”

Donghyuck moves to the kitchen to survey the contents of the refrigerator. “Yup. Chenle says he wants to throw you a welcoming party but…” he closes the fridge and turns back around to the direction of the living room. “It seems that there’s nothing in the fridge for me to cook something up.” He put his hands on his waist. “Looks like we’ll just have to order in.”

Renjun goes to the kitchen, walking past a reluctant-looking Mark near the hallway with a phone to his ear. It looks like he ended being the one in charge of informing Taeyong. Mark makes a face when he walks past and he pats Mark’s shoulder for moral support. He can hear Tayeong’s voice droning on endlessly from other end, and it’s not even on speaker. Mark grimaces and holds the phone away from his ear, mouthing ‘help me’ to Renjun with a desperate expression on his face. Renjun mouths back ‘sorry’ and backs away as much as possible, quickly joining Donghyuck in the hunt for snacks from the kitchen drawers.

“What do you want to eat hyung? I’ll order whatever you want since it’s your welcoming party,” Jaemin says, scrolling through his phone for delivery menus.

“Then let’s order everything,” Jungwoo smirks.

“I want chicken!” Jisung pipes up.

Jeno raises his hands in the air. “Pizza!”

“Alright I’ll just order our favourites then. Meanwhile you guys,” Jaemin looks pointedly at Jisung, Chenle and Jeno, “can start washing up first.”

They groan but still move as instructed. Mark’s just ended his call and he moves to sit beside Jungwoo on the couch, talking to him about NCT 127’s upcoming comeback and album preparations. Jaemin’s sitting on the floor, punching in numbers and reciting orders on his phone.

Renjun and Donghyuck managed to find bags of popcorn and chips in the bottom drawers and they pour them out into bowls.

Donghyuck opens one and in a nonchalant manner, he asks Renjun about something that’s been at the back of his mind. “What’s going on between you and Mark hyung?”

Renjun gives him a weird look and then carefully scans the living room to ensure that no one’s listening in on them. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t lie to me. You two have been pretty… touchy lately. And all those not-so-secretive glances? Don’t think I didn’t notice. I know Mark like the back of my hands, I can tell that he acts… differently around you." 

“Differently?” Renjun entertains.

“Not in a bad way or anything. Just like he’s more conscious and careful? Like he tries to be less stupid.” 

Renjun laughs. “Really? I never thought of it that way.”

Donghyuck deadpans. “Come on, don’t pretend you don’t feel that there’s something going on.”

Renjun shrugs. He shakes the bowl of popcorn to create space for more. “I mean it does feel like there’s something there but I don’t know. What this thing is. It’s weird.”

Donghyuck turns to look at him pointedly, a hand on his waist. He has a piece of popcorn in his other hand. “Think about it. Do you feel more comfortable with him around? Are you happy when he’s near you?”

“I mean I’ve always liked having him around. I like having you guys around.”

“No,” Donghyuck says exasperatedly and waves his popcorn around in the air. “When it’s just the two of you. Do you feel different, compared to let’s say now, when you’re just with me. Or when it’s just you and Jaemin or you and Jeno or you and anyone else. It’s different isn’t it, how you feel when you’re just with Mark hyung?”

Renjun thinks about it. His heart doesn’t flutter when he’s around the others like how it does around Mark. He doesn’t like it when Jaemin or Donghyuck gets too close to him but he naturally links his hand with Mark’s and plays with his hair and touches his cheeks. It _is_ different with Mark. He’s perfectly fine with Donghyuck beside him right now but with Mark, he feels more comfortable and more like himself, like a normal 18 year-old Renjun. It’s not that Mark doesn’t make him feel special, but more like Mark gives him the freedom to simply be himself. Mark never stops him or turn him away whenever he’s going on about his childhood adventures, or when he’s telling Mark about why aliens do exist or when he tells Mark about how much he misses home. Mark is patient and caring. But Mark can also make his heart race with the simplest of gestures. And that’s the part that confuses him because how can Mark calm him down and yet make him nervous? He thinks Donghyuck might be on to something.

“Oh.”

Donghyuck smiles proudly. “That’s your answer right there my friend,” Donghyuck says pointing the popcorn at Renjun and popping it into his mouth. He carries the bowl into the living room, leaving Renjun to muse over his thoughts.

Jaemin reaches out to grab a handful of the popcorn as Donghyuck puts it onto the table but Donghyuck swats his hands away, telling him to wash up first before he can eat. Jaemin pouts and whines begrudgingly. Jungwoo and Mark are keeping themselves entertained as they watch the two banter. Donghyuck says something and it causes them all to laugh. Mark’s laughing happily and they all look like they’re enjoying themselves when Mark suddenly turns his head to the kitchen and their eyes meet. His smile grows wider upon seeing Renjun and he tells Renjun to hurry up over with his stupid, stupid lovely laugh. It makes Renjun’s heart flip and he thinks he really knows what Donghyuck means now.

_Oh._

_—_

The coffee table is covered with empty pizza and chicken boxes. The bowls of popcorns and bags of chips are empty as well and soda cans are littered about the floor. Bowls of noodles are stacked on top of one another, tilting dangerously to one side. It’s a mess but their stomachs are full and they’re happy so that means the mess can wait till tomorrow. They’ve been playing and eating throughout the past two hours or so. It was nothing less than chaotic but now they’re obviously beat. Their bodies can barely function and their eyes can hardly open after the amount of energy they’ve invested throughout the day.

“I’m so tired,” Donghyuck yawns. He lies down on the cold floor, curling up into a ball, his head tucked into his body.

“But hyung we havent played together yet,” Jisung pouts. “You promised.”

Donghyuck plops up and hangs his head low, his eyes closed. “Fine,” he says lazily. “But I’m crashing your room right after.”

“I wanna join in too!” Chenle chirps although his body movements are not as excited as he sounds. 

Jaemin frowns. “Hey its mine and Jisung’s room. I should have a say in this.”

“Hyuck can take my bed then. Chenle I’ll sleep with you in your old room okay,” Jisung tells him, ignoring the knowing smile Mark is sending him.

Chenle grins. “Sure!” 

Jeno turns to Mark. “What about you hyung?” 

“Renjun sleeps alone. You can crash his room,” Jaemin suggests.

Renjun stills. He hadn’t thought about their sleeping arrangements. Mark must have sensed him thinking about it because he glances at Renjun and hesitates when he answers. “No its ok, I’m fine sleeping on the couch." 

“Don’t be silly,” Renjun says almost immediately and he’s surprised at how convincing he sounds when he wasn’t so sure about it just a second ago. “There’s extra space in my room. We were supposed to  watch a movie together anyway.”

“That’s settled then!” Jisung says. He stands and drags a trudging Donghyuck to his room, Chenle tailing behind them.

“You guys better help clean up before you leave tomorrow,” Jungwoo directs at Mark. “No freeloaders under this roof.”

Mark laughs. “Alright hyung. Rest well.”

Jungwoo hums and slings his arm over Jeno’s shoulder, Jeno slinging his own over Jungwoo’s. Jungwoo starts singing something he probably just made up, and Jeno joins in, contributing his own musical input as they both move towards their room like drunkards when they’ve only had soda. 

Renjun gets up and moves in front of Mark, grabbing his hand and pulling him up from the armchair. “Let’s go,” he nods his head in the direction of his room. He sees Jaemin eyeing them suspiciously but he ignores it, tugging Mark forward. Mark lets himself be pulled and Renjun wonders since when did he get familiar with the warmth of Mark’s hand.

“Have you watched it yet?” Renjun asks as he gets his laptop ready. Mark makes himself comfortable on Renjun’s bed, hugging a Moomin pillow as he sits against the headboard. He shakes his head.

Renjun looks at him in mock disappointment. “Even though I’ve told you more than five times to watch it?”

“I couldn’t find time, I didn’t mean to put it off,” he pouts. _Cute_. Renjun brings his laptop over from his table and slides in beside Mark. He pulls his comforter over their legs and rests the laptop above his thigh. “I know, I was just playing with you. At least we’re watching it together now.”

“That’s what I had in mind all along.”

“Sure you did.”

The movie starts and they’re both really into watching it even though they were almost falling asleep out in the living room a few minutes ago. Renjun’s watched it before so the effects of some scenes don’t hit him as strong but Mark gasps and flinches at the right places and it’s extremely adorable to watch. Mark’s arm brushes against Renjun’s a few times and Renjun dutifully ignores it, whether or not it was on purpose or accidental. At some point Mark’s hand subconsciously finds his and he curls his fingers with Renjun, all while being absorbed in the movie. Renjun should have been surprised at the gesture but he isn’t. Because he likes the way his hands feels in Mark’s and he’s familiar to the feel of it that he doesn’t think much of it now. Mark starts tracing patterns on the back of his palm subconsciously and it’s ticklish but also lulls him to sleep. Slowly his eyes get heavier and heavier and he doesn’t resist the feeling, letting sleep carry him away. When he wakes after a while, he finds that the movie is already onto the ending scene and his head is somehow somewhere on Mark’s shoulder and in front of his chest. He freezes when he realises the position that he’s in. Mark must have sensed it because he softly asks, “Are you awake?” He’s still thumbing Renjun’s hand which Renjun realises he hadn’t let go of at all throughout the movie.

“I didn’t mean to sleep on you,” Renjun mumbles sleepily and he sits up straighter, already missing the comfort of Mark’s shoulder.

“It’s ok, I didn’t mind,” Mark says. The ending credits start rolling in. Mark exits the full screen and closes the window. “It’s a good movie.”

“I told you.”

“So good that you slept?” Mark teases. 

“Shut up,” Renjun says, embarrassed. Renjun shuts down his laptop and moves to put it away at his table. Mark lies down on the bed and lifts the comforter for Renjun to get in. Renjun slips in beside him and he lies facing the ceiling. He usually lies on his side but he can’t turn to his right in case Mark is facing him, which he is sure he can’t deal with, and he can’t turn to his left in case Mark thinks he’s ignoring him. So it’s the only option he has. 

“Thanks for letting me sleep here,” Mark says. Renjun hears the sheets rustles and he senses Mark lying on his side facing him. He wills his heart to beat steadily.

“You don’t have to thank me. This is practically your dorm too,” Renjun tells him.

“I miss being in the same dorm as you guys even if it does get chaotic sometimes,” Mark chuckles softly. “This brings back memories.”

“You say that like you’re never coming back again.” Renjun points out. Mark doesn’t answer. Renjun hates the silence that substitutes Mark’s voice so he ignores all the conservations he had before and turns to face him. He frowns. “Why aren’t you saying anything? You _are_ coming back right?”

Mark’s eyes are filled with hesitance. “My schedule is really packed up till the end of the year, till early next year in fact. I don’t know when I can come back.”

Renjun doesn’t like the sound of it. It means there’ll be less moments like this. “What about me?” Renjun lets slip from his mouth. It’s out before he can take it back. Mark doesn’t call him out and tease him about it but answers as sincerely as possible.

“I’ll come back whenever I can,” Mark assures him, the underlying meaning behind Renjun’s words completely untouched. He takes a hand to tuck Renjun’s hair behind his ear and he softly touches Renjun’s cheek. The soft lingering of Mark’s fingers makes Renjun shiver and it feels like his heart is beating loudly in his chest. He doesn’t know what they’re doing, what line they’re edging on but he doesn’t want it to stop either. He likes having Mark close. He breathes out shakily and Mark’s hand goes to his back to pull him close. He buries his head in Mark’s chest despite all the warnings and cautions his brain is sending him. Mark is warm and soft that he can’t help but indulge himself.

“But I’m still here and we have a week more of promotions.” Mark’s strokes his hair. “So don’t worry about it. It’s not like I’m going to be gone forever." 

Renjun nods. “Good. ‘Cause It’s nice to have you around.”

Mark wraps his arms around Renjun. “I like having you around too.”

 

—

 

Every morning Renjun wakes up alone in his bed and the morning after the welcoming party, just like any other morning, he wakes up to an empty space beside him. Only that this time, he shouldn’t. He sits up almost immediately at the realization, noting that he really isn’t hallucinating and that Mark really isn’t beside him. He tells himself to relax, that maybe Mark’s just woken up early and is probably outside in the living room somewhere when he spots Jaemin leaning against his door, a cup of coffee in his hand. Jaemin is looking at him amusedly as he sips his coffee.

“Looking for someone?” he asks in a teasing manner.

“How long have you been standing there?” Renjun croaks out with a face of incredulity.

Jaemin shrugs. “Long enough to see you realise the absence of the person you were cuddling with.”

Renjun feels his face heating up. “It’s too early for your nonsense.” Renjun counters. “And we weren’t- I wasn’t cuddling anyone!”

“That’s not what I saw this morning,” Jaemin singsongs. “And it’s not _early,_ it’s already afternoon by the way. And in case you were wondering, which I know you are, Mark isn’t outside. He and Hyuck left earlier for schedules." 

Renjun’s mouth open in surprise. “But today’s our free day.”

“Manager hyung came to fetch them and Jungwoo hyung a few hours ago, saying something about re-recording some songs or something.”

Renjun’s shoulders are slumped and he tries to mask the disappointment on his face. He was looking forward to spending his free day with all seven of them together, and maybe a bit more with Mark. “Well that sucks. I feel bad for them.”

“That’s the life of an idol for you.” Jaemin motions his head to outside of the room. “There’s brunch outside.”

“Right,” Renjun says. “I’ll be right out.”

Jaemin steps away from the door and is about to turn into the hallway when he suddenly whips his head back around. “Oh and don’t think I’ll let this thing between you and Mark pass. We’re talking about it sooner or later,” Jaemin points a finger at him.

“Can you please leave already,” Renjun  says exasperatedly. “Shoo you creep!”

 

\---

 

Renjun doesn’t see Mark for the rest of the day, in fact he doesn’t see Mark for weeks after. NCT 127’s schedule is almost insane, what with them flying to LA, then Korea and Japan, rushing off from one music broadcast to the next, squeezing photoshoots and variety shows in between. It’s crazy how much more time they spend moving in vehicles than back at the dorms. Renjun can’t help but worry about them, especially Mark and Donghyuck who’ve been working non-stop for an extended period of time. They’ve never been on such an intense schedule before even though they’ve been promoting in two teams for about two years now.

He misses them already. More specifically, he misses Mark. They hadn’t talk about that night in his room and Renjun doesn’t want to bother Mark with stupid little things when Mark obviously has greater things to worry about. Renjun’s been busy too, he’s got his modern dance classes and he’s been practicing with the other Chinese trainees everyday till at least midnight. He comes back to the dorms with his body sore, only to wake up and repeat the whole thing again the next day. He’s mentally exhausted as well, what with expectations set high since they’re all expected to be at a certain standard two years after debut. There’s still Dream Show practices with the other four member too. Mark and Donghyuck hadn’t had time to join them for practices yet. There are also other undisclosed and unconfirmed plans involving him so all he can do is trust the company and pour his all into practice. At least it distracts him from other things, like his feelings for a certain someone.

Renjun comes back to the dorm late one night, close to one a.m. and he immediately sprawls himself onto the couch. Practice, pressure, expectations, rumours. All those have been stacked on his shoulders lately and they wear him down more than he’d like them to. Jaemin is still awake, having been back from practice himself only three hours ago. He shoves Renjun’s leg from the couch and sits, putting Renjun’s legs back on top of his lap.

“You look horrible.” Jaemin notes as he scans Renjun over.

Renjun groans. “I _feel_ horrible.”

Jaemin frowns. “You’ve been coming back late almost every day. This surely can’t be good on your body.”

“I need to work hard to become a better artist.”

“You’re already good enough. And looking at it long-term, your body will prevent you from being a great artist if you keep this up.” Jaemin looks at him, eyes brimming with concern. “And I would know how that feels.”

The words resonate loudly in his ears, especially since it’s coming from Jaemin. Jaemin who had to take over a year long hiatus because of his back. He didn’t mean to sound so ignorant and insensitive. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it that way. I just, practicing helps me. In a lot of ways." 

“To improve yourself?”

“Yeah, I’ve still ways to go.”

“So that your skills don’t go rusty?”

“That too.”

“And maybe to distract yourself because you’re missing someone?” 

_Spot on._

Renjun analyses him skeptically and notes, “When did you stop spouting nonsense and become so wise instead?”

Jaemin smiles knowingly because Renjun hadn’t deny his statement. “So you do miss him huh?”

Renjun is too tired, both mentally and physically, to deny it at this point. He doesn’t think it’s good to keep it all in anyway, it’s easier to just admit it.

“Can you believe it’s been almost two whole months since I last saw him?” Renjun brings his arm up to hide his eyes, feeling embarrassed to bring the topic up. “Do you think I’m being stupid?”

“It’s normal to miss someone you like Renjun.” 

He feels his cheeks heating up. To hear someone say it out directly feels weird. Even he hadn’t really said it out to himself.

“Why don’t you tell him you miss him?”

“He’s busy,” Renjun mumbles out.

“He probably misses you too,” Jaemin says softly.

“You don’t know that...” he steals a glance at Jaemin from beneath his arms and he sees Jaemin looking at him in disbelief.

“I won’t entertain this. You _know_ he misses you too. I know you know it.”

“You can’t be too sure...” Renjun contemplates.

Jaemin huffs and stands up, shoving Renjun’s legs off his lap. He makes to leave but he turns back around with his hands on his waist. “Get real. Come on, you guys were practically all over each other that time he slept over.” Jaemin squints at him. “Don’t you dare deny it. I saw what I saw.” He points a finger at Renjun, his voice firm but overflowing with care. “I won’t say this again, tell him how you feel.”

Jaemin leaves and Renjun is left to think on his own till he falls asleep.

 

\--

 

Renjun doesn’t get around to telling Mark. He’s been planning to but every time he comes close to calling or texting him, he backs out like the coward that he is. He makes up excuses in his head, telling himself Mark is too busy, that Mark has other important stuff on his mind, none of which are about him. He gives up and tells himself he’ll do it tomorrow and the amount of tomorrows that have passed says a lot about his courage - it’s almost non-existent. 

Today too he foregoes calling Mark. He tells himself his phone battery is dying anyway so there’s no point. He switches it off and puts it away in his bag, preparing himself for his vocal lesson instead.

Vocal lesson went horribly. The vocal trainer chided him for not taking care of his throat and he kept messing up his runs. His voice broke constantly when he reached the high notes and he couldn’t help but get frustrated at himself. His vocal trainer doesn’t scold him but the look of disappointment on his face says it all. He’d prefer his vocal trainer reprimand him out loud so he wouldn’t feel so guilty for doing badly.

His day doesn’t end there, he has dance practice with Jeno for their next Dream Show. It seems like the negative energy from his morning lesson is stubbornly sticking to him because he doesn’t get the moves right even after so many tries and he keeps messing up the sequence. He even managed to bump into Jeno and somehow almost trip over his own feet. He practices with the other Chinese trainees after and although nothing happened to worsen his day, he just wants the day to come to an end already.

Their dance teacher ends the lesson and Renjun doesn’t talk the whole drive back to the dorm. He’s in the car with Jeno, who had also just ended his own rap lessons. He’s grateful that Jeno isn’t poking him about his quiet behaviour. He feels bad for making the atmosphere in the car somber and moody but he’s drained and he’s just not in the mood to be laughing and smiling.

It’s slightly pass midnight when they get back to the dorms, and the living room light is visible from the front door, indicating that someone’s awake. Renjun thinks it might be Jaemin cooking a late-night dish for Jisung again. Jeno walks ahead of him and he lets out an exclamation when he steps into the living room. 

“Jungwoo hyung, you’re back!”

Being the newly-added member of NCT 127, Jungwoo’s been busy flying back and forth between countries with the group and he usually just crashes at their dorms because it’s easier. There are plans for him to move there but they’re still waiting for the right time, so Jungwoo technically still lives with NCT DREAM, even though they don’t see him as much anymore. 

“That’s right, did you miss me that much?” Jungwoo chuckles from the couch. Jeno goes in for a hug and Jungwoo welcomes it warmly. 

“Hey Renjun,” Jungwoo greets with a smile when Renjun enters.

Renjun nods at him briefly. “Hyung, you’re back.”

“Yeah,” Jungwoo says as he eyes Renjun carefully. He sees the way Renjun’s shoulders are slumped and how his eyes aren’t as bright as they usually are. “Renjun, you feeling alright?” 

“I’m fine,” Renjun says. “I’m just.. tired.” 

“If there’s anything, you know you have your hyung right?” Jungwoo tells him warmly, putting his hand over his own chest.

Renjun tries for an assuring smile. “Of course hyung. I’m going to my room first. Goodnight guys.”

“Goodnight Renjun,” Jungwoo looks after him worriedly and Jeno echoes a goodnight as well. Renjun turns the corner to his room and once he’s sure he’s not visible, he hears Jeno whispering, “ _He’s had a pretty rough day…_ ” Renjun sighs to himself and enters his room, closing the door quietly behind him so as not to wake Jaemin and Jisung in the other room. He just wants to throw himself onto his bed and let fatigue take him away but there’s somebody already there, playing with his Moomin plushies.

“Hey.”

Renjun stills, unable to move even one step away from the door. He stares and blinks slowly, unsure if the image in front of him is a result of him overworking. His response must not have been what Mark was expecting because Mark looks at him with concern and gets up from the bed and approaches him.

“Hey,” he tries again, taking in Renjun’s stumped manner and noting how weary and tired he looks. “Renjun?” Mark asks softly. 

Renjun’s heart thumps against his ribcage. Mark is here in front of him and how long has it been since he’s last heard his voice? Mark reaches down for his hand and he holds it loosely yet it has a firmness to it. “Why aren’t you saying anything?” He looks at Renjun worriedly. “What’s wrong?” 

Something inside Renjun breaks, maybe his rationality, because he foregoes any words and throws his arms around Mark’s neck and buries his head there. It’s stupid, he thinks, that he feels like crying. Seeing Mark just makes everything feel so much better. Like he didn’t just have the most horrible day.

Mark stumbles slightly upon the impact of Renjun’s body but he steadies them and hugs Renjun back tight, one of his hands across Renjun’s back, the other holding his head gingerly.

“Missed you,” Renjun says, his voice trembling and muffled by Mark’s shirt. It feels like a load has been lifted from his shoulders the moment he uttered those words. He doesn’t care if he appears too forward, doesn’t care if he sounds too clingy and sappy and he doesn’t care that this might just be the first time he’s laying his feelings out in the open for Mark. He finally _finally_ gets to see Mark and that’s all he cares about.

“I’m sorry I took so long,” Mark whispers softly against his ear, stroking his back comfortingly.

Renjun shakes his head to tell him it’s alright because he finds his throat too choked up to say anything. He takes in a breath to steady his emotions but he gets a whiff of Mark instead and he feels even more overwhelmed. 

“Bad day?” Mark hums.

Renjun doesn’t answer verbally, afraid he’ll start crying if he does, so he nods instead. At his reply, Mark pats his head gingerly and Renjun fights back the tears threatening to spill out. 

“It’s alright, it’s over now. Don’t let it get to you.” Mark tells him, swaying him slightly. “I’m always here if you need me, don’t forget that.”

Renjun buries his head deeper into Mark’s neck and when he’s calmed enough he says, “I can’t believe you’re really _here_.”

Mark laughs and hugs him tighter. “You really miss me huh?”

“You have no idea.” Renjun croaks out.

Mark pulls back and his gaze is fond and sincere when he says, “I thought I was the only one." 

Renjun’s heart might just combust into flames.

“Come on, you must be really tired,” Mark says as he pulls Renjun to bed. He slips under the comforter and tugs Renjun in and they lie down facing each other. Mark takes Renjun’s hand in his and he intertwines their fingers together, his eyes not straying away from Renjun’s face.

“Why aren’t you back at your dorms?” Renjun asks softly. “You must be tired  too, what with all the schedules you have.”

“Because I wanted to see you.”

“Why?”

There’s a pause before Mark answers and when he does, the impact is amplified because of it. 

“Because I missed you too.”

Mark continues to stare at him and Renjun isn’t used to it. It only makes it harder for him to stop himself from blushing.

“Because I like you.”

Renjun feels like his heart is on fire. He looks at their intertwined hands between them and he’s trying to convince himself that Mark confessing to him is real and not something he just made up. And he’s so overwhelmed and trying to take it all in that he doesn’t realise he left Mark hanging.

Mark’s eyes show signs of hesitance. “If this is making you uncomfortable, I can leave. I thought that maybe you..” Mark trails off, his voice sounding unsure and he looks the slightest bit anxious and panicked.

Renjun doesn’t mean to let out a laugh but Mark has the cutest reaction ever and it’s ridiculous that Mark would think that he doesn’t like Mark back. Because he does. He really really does.

Mark looks at him confusedly.

“No, wait. I-“ Renjun firms his grip on Mark’s hand. “I- I like you too.” Renjun‘s sure his cheeks are a fiery red. “I like you too, you idiot so don’t leave.”

The shine in Mark’s eyes return and he has the widest smile on his face. “Well that’s a relief.”

“That you’re an idiot?”

“That I’m an idiot and you still like me.” 

“Shut up,” Renjun mumbles.

Mark uses his free hand to push Renjun’s bangs away from his eyes and he palms Renjun’s cheeks. “Are you feeling better?” he asks, referring to the situation earlier.

“Now that you’re here,” Renjun tells him honestly and it manages to colour Mark’s cheeks pink.

“Then I’m glad.” Mark says warmly.

“Did I make your day better too?” Renjun jokes.

“Any day with you is the best day.”

It comes out so natural and smooth, and it makes Renjun want to know since when had he been thinking that way.

“You must really like me huh?” Renjun teases but the tip of his ears and his cheeks tell that it required a lot of courage for him to say it. 

“More than you like me probably.” Mark replies without a hitch, resting his forehead against Renjun’s. “No, not probably. Definitely." 

“That’s not a fair statement because I like you a lot too.” Renjun says and it should kill him to say such corny things but he finds it flowing out smoothly. “And you can’t just say it baselessly-“

“I’ll show you then.” Mark says abruptly, cutting his words.

Renjun’s heartbeat speeds up. “How?”

“I’ll show you,” he whispers this time, his eyes fond when he looks at Renjun. He gingerly lifts Renjun’s chin up and Renjun’s heart is close to exploding just from the touch. Mark brings him closer and Renjun exhales shakily as Mark’s warmth slowly blankets over him. Renjun closes his eyes and the next thing he feels is the softness of Mark’s lips on his. Mark’s lips are gentle and coaxing and it feels so, so nice. He thinks he wouldn’t mind getting familiar with this feeling.

 

\--

 

When he wakes in the morning, there’s an arm across his waist and his head is snuggled against someone’s chest. He looks up and he sees a pair of cute, owlish eyes looking down at him.

“Good morning,” Mark breaks into a smile.

_Good morning_ indeed. Renjun smiles, enjoying the warmth radiating from Mark’s chest. “You’re still here,” he comments contentedly. 

“Where else would I be?” Mark laughs as he strokes through the strands of Renjun’s hair.

“The last time you left without saying anything.” Renjun reminds him.

“I really wanted to stay but manager hyung suddenly came and schedules and- I’m sorry.” Mark kisses the crown of his head. “This time I‘m really staying.” 

“That’s good to hear.” Renjun hums and positions himself such that he can hear the steady beat of Mark’s heart. “What do you wanna do today?” He reaches out for Mark’s hand that’s lying on the sheets and he plays with his fingers.

“Anything you want,” Mark says. “We can stay in bed a while longer if you want to.”

It’s the best thing Renjun’s heard in a long while. “If we can get past Jaemin that is.”

“Jaemin?”

As if he heard his name, the door opens right then and Jaemin appears with a cup of coffee in his hand as usual. “Wake up sleepyheads!” 

He sees the two tangled together on the bed and the corner of his lips lift up into a smirk. He directs his gaze at Renjun. “You finally told him huh?”

Mark looks at Renjun confusedly. “ _Told him_? Tell me what?”

“Nothing,” Renjun quickly answers. He turns to Jaemin with his head still on Mark’s chest. “You can leave now. We’re awake, see? Your job’s done.”

“Fancy kicking me out after the advice I’ve given you.” Jaemin huffs. He shifts his attention to Mark. “I’m making pancakes for Hyuck. Want some?” 

“Sounds great,” Mark tells him. Jaemin smiles proudly but frowns when he makes eye contact with Renjun again. He walks off muttering to himself, ‘ _Kids these days, they don’t appreciate you enough..”_

Renjun rolls his eyes. He looks at Mark. “Hyuck’s here too?”

Mark nods. “Manager hyung said we have a free day yesterday and Hyuck said he wanted to see Jaemin, so we asked manager hyung to drop us off with Jungwoo hyung.” He then scrunches his eyebrows together. “But what was Jaemin talking about?”

“Nothing, he’s just being dumb.”

Mark looks at him suspiciously but he decides to dismiss it. “Alright then.” He cards through Renjun’s hair one last time and asks, “So how do you feel about starting the day with pancakes?”

“Sounds like a plan.” Renjun says happily and he pushes the comforter away. He sits up with his legs dangling from the bed. Mark gets up and goes to stand in front of him, putting his palms faced up. Renjun laughs and puts his hands over Mark’s but he doesn’t get up just yet. 

He looks up at Mark and he says with his whole heart, “Thanks for making everything better.” 

Mark’s fingers wrap around his hands. “But I didn’t even do much.”

“You’re here,” Renjun states, his eyes shining bright. “And that’s more than enough.” He looks at Mark fondly and he hopes Mark can see just how much he likes him. “I told you, I like having you around.”

Mark leans down and kisses his forehead. “And I told you, I like having you around too.”

Renjun lets go of their hands in favour of cupping Mark’s cheeks to bring him down lower. He fits their lips together and it’s the nicest feeling in the world.  

He knows he can’t always have days like this where he gets to be with Mark as much as he likes. But it’s different now compared to before because they’re actually together. And it’s enough to make anything work. They’ll always have each other and that’s all they need.

 

—

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I meant to have this out earlier but it kept being pushed back. But hey, it ended up being published before the year ended. So yaaaayyyyy. Please forgive any mistakes, I am a mere human.
> 
>  
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> Thanks for reading! Comments would be gladly appreciated <3


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